In step 35 we looked at our childhood survival traits. In this step we look at the unhelpful behaviors we developed as we grew into adults to help us survive the adult world.

 

The reality is, we always felt like children in an adult’s body and we had to develop these behaviors to help us function as an adult.

 

This part of the program is where real transformation begins. We are on a path of action coming from love and, as the love begins to grow inside us, change takes place. We are moving away from the Drama Triangle positions of victim, rescuer or perpetrator and we gain clarity.

 

We can see that what was done to us, we have done to others. If we were bullied, we have become a bully; if we were hit, we hit others; if we were judged mercilessly, we judge others.

 

We know in our hearts that we have acted out these behaviors towards others even if no one knew. This is the step for self-forgiveness that this will lead us to a new way of life.

 

This new life is one of honesty with others and includes a new source of support from other Miracle Workers. We can share about our childhood hurts or trauma that will help us to feel less judgmental towards our families. Some of us may re-connect with our families because we have the ability to detach when necessary.

 

We become ready to let go of the things that block us from joy, even when we don’t know what they are. We become willing to heal the pieces of our broken selves. We are ready to overcome fear, unfathomable guilt, negative self-judgment and other behaviors that are no longer relevant in our life.

 

We are looking for another way, instead of being ‘sick and tired’ of being ’sick and tired’. We want less fear, anger and resentment and more self worth and peace of mind. This step is the arrow pointing to that new life. This step is about the willingness to change, and to challenge behaviors that have never been challenged.

 

EXERCISE

 

Below are some possible unhelpful behaviors that you may relate to. In the next column are suggested opposites. In the third column write down examples of how or when you act out these behaviors: