Now that we have begun the grief process on what we’ve lost and are working to discover what triggers our grief, we also need to balance this work by naming our strengths.

 

It isn’t easy to acknowledge our own strengths when we were raised in a family that didn’t teach us to do this. Healthy parenting would have included the important adults in our life naming our strengths for us. As adults, we are left with a deficiency of credits and have come to realize this cannot be resolved by outside sources.

 

In the past, we solicited compliments from people when we were feeling low on self-esteem or full of self pity, and we recognized that when we received them, we felt no better. Or, if people freely gave us compliments, we dismissed them with thoughts of ‘they’re just saying that’.

 

In order to survive our childhood we shut out adults to protect ourselves. This led to ignoring affirmations from others, but in order to have fulfilling adult relationships we need to name and own our strengths.

 

We have come to realize that by giving ourselves affirmations we drop the need to please others in order to receive affirmations from outside sources. We are learning to become our own guide as we challenge the part of us that automatically pushes away compliments from others – and ourselves.

 

Naming our strengths is a different practice than constantly looking for praise from others. By naming our own strengths we are become accountable for our unique talents. This helps us to stop compromising our life, career and relationships by constantly needing other people to affirm our strengths.

 

EXERCISE

 

Read the following sentence out loud and put in a strength from the list below. Repeat this 10 times using a different strength each time:

 

I am _________________

 

List to choose from:

 

• Sincere

• Honest

• Understanding

• Loyal

• Truthful

• Trustworthy

• Intelligent

• Dependable

• Open-Minded

• Thoughtful

• Wise

• Considerate

• Good-Natured

• Reliable

• Warm

• Earnest

• Friendly

• Kind-Hearted

• Unselfish

• Good-Humored

• Honorable

• Humorous

• Responsible

• Cheerful

• Trustful

• Warm-Hearted

• Broad-Minded

• Gentle

• Likable

• Trusting

• Clever

• Pleasant

• Courteous

• Helpful

• Appreciative

• Imaginative

• Outstanding

• Self-Disciplined

• Brilliant

• Enthusiastic

• Level-Headed

• Polite

• Original

• Smart

• Forgiving

• Respectful

• Efficient

• Good-Tempered

• Grateful

• Conscientious

• Resourceful

• Alert

• Witty

• Clear-Headed

• Kindly

• Admirable

• Patient

• Talented

• Perceptive

• Spirited

• Sportsmanlike

• Well-Mannered

• Cooperative

• Ethical

 

Repeat daily for at least one week.